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  • Posted on November 1, 1993 at 9:13 am

“I took a deep breath and listened to the old brag of my heart. I am, I am, I am.”

Silvia Plath (1932-1963) – American Poet

I sit quietly, one day a week to write for myself. I reflect to my years’ experiences and oddly I use the time to try and shed the negative influences. Whether they occurred or not, pleasant memories of my youth refuse to surface. I don’t remember giggling as little girls do. I don’t remember feeling safe and warm. I don’t remember being comforted or rocked to sleep when all was not well.

Yet rather than creating an indifferent or even an angry woman, I will be the first to admit I have struggled through life’s continual lessons and have managed to retain my belief in others, some say naively; I love being around positive people, I’ll rush to anyone’s rescue or rally to their worthy causes.

I’ve often wondered if being the middle child forces the issue of a lifetime pursuit of obtaining everyone’s acceptance? Or is it that I came to this earth a gentle soul, trying to remember exactly why I am here?

My strength increases each year. My beliefs more concrete. I view each day as to lessons learned. I savor experiences with tenderness. I reach out to stretch my arms, wrap them back around myself and receive a hug of comfort, accomplishment, caring, tenderness and love.

I am, in spite of others.

I am of a quality rare.

Being a Gender

  • Posted on October 17, 1993 at 1:46 am

“As far as I’m concerned, being any gender is a drag.”

Patti Smith (1943) American Singer

I watch as he raised his left foot. He placed it on the bumper of his ’49 Ford truck. They were talking about Saturday’s football game. I knew than, but I couldn’t hear the words. What they were saying wasn’t important. It was how they were talking together. They were so comfortable, they laughed, and at the moment, they had nothing in the world to worry about except the game coming up the next weekend.

It was at that precise moment I rec all, I was aware of my envy of boys, which a few years later became an awareness I was jealous of men in general. They could go anywhere, say anything, do anything and they were always excused, when doing something irregular, as “boys will be boys!”

The only thing I did not envy was their mandatory role in Viet Nam. ForĀ  25 years I resented men’s carefree ways, always seeming to adapt well, their confidence and their level of poise . . .

Then one day, two years ago, I realized men looked at me the way I had been looking at them! Somehow I had transformed! I am confident, I have poise and a sense of humor. Others look to me for direction, both men and women.

I finally see people instead of gender. I see achievers, those with direction and positive attitudes,t hose with spiritual consciousness.

How I love this new awareness.